i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
