My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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