Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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