Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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