highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
