alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
