Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
