Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
