ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
