Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
