I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
