worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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