you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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