why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
