i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
