If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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