I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
