I puked a lego.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
