No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
