What a fucking waste of an outfit
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
