I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
