I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just invented taco cereal.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
