Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize