the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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