I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
