Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize