I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
