Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
