there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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