I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
