Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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