he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
