Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
