You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
