i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
