Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
