D3 body, D1 cock
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
