question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
