new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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