I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
