This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
