you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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