I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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