Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
