That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
