Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
