he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
