omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
