I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
i think my cat just said my name.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
