That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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