Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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