i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
