plz talk dirty to me
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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