can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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