so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize