I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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