your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
