Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
