I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
