don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
