It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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