i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
