What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
