I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
