I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
