Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
