I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
