Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
