Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My balls are so social today.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Randomize
