he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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