Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
