Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
