dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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