I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
