i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
