She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
