remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
