You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
